Monday, 31 October 2011

Does she know who I am??

Well, I have survived a crazy, crazy week. Usually in my profession, half-term means a week off. Of course, I am now in the same league of parents who no longer have a half-term 'off' and that from now on, half-term is only going to get crazier and busier.

This half-term, however, meant work for me. And I mean, full on work! Teaching all day at a children's dance workshop and then straight to rehearsals for a show for another school and then at the end of work my normal teaching jobs. I literally didn't stop.

Now because I work in the evenings, I am lucky I get to spend all day with Molly. And driving off to work, means I get to put my music up a little louder and shout loudly at he who dares to cut me up.

But this week, I was out in the day, every day, and sometimes not home until 10.30/11pm. Come Wednesday, it's safe to say, I was definitely fighting back tears as I left the house. I missed her like crazy. My brief moments I had with her in the morning, i wondered.....Does she think I don't care about her anymore? Has she forgotten I am her mummy? Does she prefer Nanny looking after her instead? Completely tormenting myself, and feeling incredible guilt as I left her for another day.

Ok, so I know I am being silly but I think these are completely normal reactions. But is it almost impossible to get the right balance? i wasn't having 'me' time, I was having 'career' time, but either or, is it impossible to do either without feeling prangs of guilt?

I once read a quote "You can be a mum and have a career, or you can be a mum and have a social life. Never both". Really? I mean that's silly right? But I think if I had all 3, all I would do is feel guilt. Am I setting myself up for having a very clingy baby?

Answers on a postcard....
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3 comments

  1. Visiting from LoveMummyBlogs

    Sounds tough. :(

    I have given up work in order to be with my child. It helped that I didn't like my job very much and that I'm not interested in having a career.

    I think it's hard for any woman to find THAT balance. If you're a SAHM you're likely to feel as if people label you as lazy. If you're a working mum people might label you 'not wanting to be with your kids' (or worse).

    I say, as long as you're comfortable doing what you're doing (staying home, working, both..) you should do it and if not you should try and make changes.

    For me, I just hate the thought of someone else raising my child, missing the little and big things she does. But other mums don't feel this way so there's no right or wrong.

    I'm very sure she knows that you are her mummy :) It sounds to me that this half-term was not like your usual half term so things should be back to normal soon. But in any case, she's probably having a great time and is always looking forward to seeing you. :)

    Nev

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  2. No no no! You must never think that! She will be fine, and she will love you for what you are, and be proud to have a Mum that works! And she will always know that no matter how much time you are away, you are the special one she calls Mummy
    Thanks for joining in with the love Mummy Blogs Showcase last week :)

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  3. Don't feel guilty. Your baby will be fine. If this week is just a one off then at least you know it won't always be like that.

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