Monday, 31 October 2011

Does she know who I am??

Well, I have survived a crazy, crazy week. Usually in my profession, half-term means a week off. Of course, I am now in the same league of parents who no longer have a half-term 'off' and that from now on, half-term is only going to get crazier and busier.

This half-term, however, meant work for me. And I mean, full on work! Teaching all day at a children's dance workshop and then straight to rehearsals for a show for another school and then at the end of work my normal teaching jobs. I literally didn't stop.

Now because I work in the evenings, I am lucky I get to spend all day with Molly. And driving off to work, means I get to put my music up a little louder and shout loudly at he who dares to cut me up.

But this week, I was out in the day, every day, and sometimes not home until 10.30/11pm. Come Wednesday, it's safe to say, I was definitely fighting back tears as I left the house. I missed her like crazy. My brief moments I had with her in the morning, i wondered.....Does she think I don't care about her anymore? Has she forgotten I am her mummy? Does she prefer Nanny looking after her instead? Completely tormenting myself, and feeling incredible guilt as I left her for another day.

Ok, so I know I am being silly but I think these are completely normal reactions. But is it almost impossible to get the right balance? i wasn't having 'me' time, I was having 'career' time, but either or, is it impossible to do either without feeling prangs of guilt?

I once read a quote "You can be a mum and have a career, or you can be a mum and have a social life. Never both". Really? I mean that's silly right? But I think if I had all 3, all I would do is feel guilt. Am I setting myself up for having a very clingy baby?

Answers on a postcard....
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